Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Esoteric pursuit


  • Global economy modelling
  • Stock picker outperforming market
  • Advanced NLP

Monday, July 25, 2016

Boring Malaysia


Without having a clear goal ahead, you will not achieve in future. Years ago I would often think of working at ulu/remote places and have a quiet life. Perhaps it is the side effects of becoming complacent after staying at places like Melaka or Penang. In fact when I came back from Penang to KL, I became confused and frustrated as the city environment seems so complicated.

Now, I have a change of heart and would like to work in megalopolis places. Why should I be limiting myself to small places right? If I do so I would end up as a frog dwelling in a small well. But I only come to this realization after 10 years.. my goodness. God, please bless me on this.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Shan the Singaporean girl


Shan was a Singapore lady whom first messaged me in OkCupid.
We chatted for months via Line and I found her to be quite pleasant, overall she is mature in my opinion. As for her work, she says she is a day trader, which I think is a very stressful job. However it is also obvious to me that she has strong determination to leave Singapore no matter the cost.

I was thinking of coming to Singapore to meet her after I left HPE. However recent happenings have left me to conclude that she disappeared for good. I am disappointed about this, although I have a feeling that something unfavorable might have happened to her.

Regardless, Shan, if you are reading this, I hope you are doing well.. and managed to solve your short-mid term problems (if any). I also hope you will be able to migrate in the long term, though I don't know much on how you can do that as I only know the most common route would be Skilled Migration or Business Visa (which requires alot of money).

Change in inevitable.. as mentioned in my previous post.. so I don't feel too bad on this matter. Just that I hope for a better closure.. if any. Take care.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Change is inevitable


When I was still young, dad would often quote proverbs to us, and one of them was on "There is nothing constant but change". Though it was profound to me during that time, it is only around my age now that I truly understand what it means.

My experiences:

  • Agilent, Penang - almost everybody has left this company. Ex-colleagues have moved to other companies, and many MMU friends have left Penang altogether
  • IBM - ex-colleagues also left
  • Friends - everyone was so approachable and friendly in Uni days; now everyone is too busy to even meet up
  • Dad - used to be strong, confident, and assertive but since depression he totally gave up on life. Same goes for mum
  • Myself - aged quite a lot, due to abuse of my ownself during mid 20s on startup hype stuff

Monday, July 11, 2016

Life at mid 30s and BS stuff


34 now and approaching mid thirties. As I am in 30s, I have realized and learned many things about life, good as well as BS ones. 30 something is a challenging period, due to:

  • Will lose a lot of friends especially those from University days. Many will be busy with excuses such as family, career, gym or just too tired. Reality: if you are much richer, then friends will automatically have more time for you since you can potentially offer more economic value to them in potential deals and that they deem you as more successful in economic terms and want to have free advice from you
  • Everything is focused on monetary and you will probably be judged on how much you earn basically. Well everyone is now busy with their mortgages, children welfare, future education, investments, insurance, retirement etc so no surprises here. If you are poor, just GTFO
  • Problems with parents - parents will probably start to have physical and cognitive related problems, and some may just pass away at this time
  • Commitments - especially if you have a partner, then need to have them if not don't even consider to have one in the first place
  • Career existential crisis - probably at this time you will figure out the pros/cons with your career selection done earlier on when first started during 20s
  • Regrets about past - will probably think of things that you should have/not done in 20s
For my career, these are the cons I have realized so far:
  • No holding power - you need to constantly renew your skills, typical technology lasts for 2-3 years before becoming useless and total garbage
  • If you don't keep up, you can easily be replaced by a college kid or anyone that spent few weeks learning up the latest tech
  • Your skills can easily be outsourced (thanks to China, India, Bangla, Pakistan etc)
  • Generally low prestige job
  • Doesn't train you to be a people person - more into introversion
  • Industry is male dominated - come on, sometimes I need to talk to people from the opposite sex as well!
Other BS I have encountered:

  • MLM/get rich quick schemes - returns of 8% per month or higher; pay 100k and get massive passive income etc
  • Internet business millionaire schemes - usually these people can't even present a understandable business model in their elevator pitch
  • Make 10,000 per month via blogging or e-items - quite the hype some time ago, although might still be around. Some sell books such as "How to make 10,000 per month" with no actual content inside but they manage to milk your $30 ebook
  • Trading/Forex to earn 1000% returns - probability in winning is almost like coin toss in short term trading, and the only party that wins is the broker - through commissions
  • Getting rich from picking stocks - I thought there could be some kind of magical work on picking stocks as dad made significant amount of $ from his portfolio. Now I realize it is very difficult to beat market returns, avg at 8%/year
  • Startups - all the hype on becoming the next Bill Gates or Zuckerberg stuff. I was into this as well but people often underestimate the part on failure. Startups takes years to take off, and if really, really lucky you may get a exit within 7-10 years. Otherwise, you are going to forfeit that 10 years of yours and maybe end up in debt and burnout. You might be better off at having a average but stable job - you get to accumulate quite a significant amount of $ in 10 years and will already have a house and wife that time

Sunday, June 19, 2016

What if...


What if? It's always nice to think of what would happen to you, say had you chosen a different path at sometime earlier on. This has happened to me quite frequently, and as I grow older now I realized that it is actually a very destructive way of thinking.

Years ago during my worst period of time, I indulged myself thinking about what career would I had chosen for a better future. Obviously the term "better" could have been anything else besides being actually better. At that time I was thinking:

  • Should have become a petroleum engineer
  • Should have become a doctor/pharmacist
  • Confused between choosing IT, engineering and finance field

Well good thing now is that I am back to workforce again and such thoughts have subsided. But anyway to add to my previous list:

  • Should have become management consultant
  • Should have become some kind of hedge fund or portfolio manager
  • Temporary thoughts of becoming a monk
To close off those thoughts, I assigned reasons to the list on why it can't be done. Just for my personal musings anyway.
  • Petroleum engineer - never thought of doing that since was into IT and electronics during primary/high school
  • Doctor/pharmacist - almost impossible to get into public Uni on that subject; private is too costly - min RM 500,000
  • Confusion between IT, engineering and finance - happened due to no long term career planning
  • Management consultant - don't have much leadership roles in Uni time and degree is non-foreign University, which means won't get to become consultant in companies like Accenture
  • Hedge fund/portfolio manager - no Ivy League? No chance
  • Monk - being a monk is actually very hard life; after going through scriptures found them to be non sensical; chanting etc not my thing

In terms of spirituality, I think having a lot of what ifs is very bad. Imagine if you were dead and you meet God - if you still have a lot of what ifs, that would mean you have many attachments to the past. Sure, God can probably grant you the wish to go back in time and let you fulfill your "what if" scenario - but the problem is you will never be satisfied with the new condition and you would think of other "what if" scenarios again. And when you die again, you will be asked the same question again and the whole cycle would repeat endlessly.

That probably means you will be in an endless loop of negative existences and never realizing it. Now that's really Samsara and terrible! Lesson to learn is to always move forward, especially if encountered negative events. No one likes having bad things happen to them, the gist of it is on how to deal with such situation. You can either surrender or face it with positive attitudes.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Element of uncertainty and finance related musings


When I was young, during my primary school days, I would spend my time on science related books. Most of the time it would be encyclopedias. From there I learned about electronics and computers, which made me to choose electronics engineering as my University course and later on in computer science/software career.

Having scientific background, I had the preassumed notion that reality can basically be objectively analyzed; that things could be rationalized with reasons or scientific methods. One of the topic that interested me during the time when I was working at Agilent (during my first year after graduation) was dad's significant stock returns that enabled him to build sizable wealth and in turn purchase a condo at Damansara.

I started collecting ebooks on investments and printed out some of them. Eventually, which I can't remember clearly how, dad encouraged me to take up the CFA (charted financial analyst) course. Being naive and curious and hungry to know more about finance, I took the plunge to study it and eventually left my company to do full time. However, things did not go smoothly after I finished my level 1 exam. Instead I became confused, and after going to an interview as a financial analyst, I rejected it and soon fell into depression as I felt that I had no idea of what I wanted to pursue that time.

Fast forward years later (2011), I started to purchase and sell shares, hoping that I could replicate my dad's success. However, from recorded transactions, which started from July 2011 to October 2015, I only managed to make 10% gains. That only means 2.41% CAGR for 4 years. Had I put this money into SPY (S&P 500 index), the result would have been 51.24% (10.87% CAGR). This lesson taught me about the fallacies of trading and that stocks should be held for long term.

Another thing that hurt me was the Alibaba stock I had purchased earlier on. I am not sure if I actually called my uncle to put all money into Alibaba, but anyway my previous holdings were all sold off and put into Alibaba. The stock was purchased at $99, and later it went up to as high as about $120. Seems great, only to drop back to $100.. and eventually 90, 80, 70, 60 and close to 50. It was really a nightmare for me that time and I was desperate. Eventually the price went up to $80 and my uncle sold it for me. Due to currency depreciation, the actual sum received was actually almost the same amount before being used to purchased. Although the capital was preserved, it is still technically a loss to me. This lesson taught me to never put all money into single stock.

My most recent activity has been putting equal amount of money into stocks like Apple, Google, Amazon, Facebook and other Malaysian stocks, partly based on their past performance track records. For example, Amazon gained 100% in 2015 and Apple has been steadily rising for some time. Unfortunately however, actual performance since buying up those stocks in December 2015 until today has been disappointing. Amazon not only did not have much gains, very surprisingly Apple dropped >-18% to date. This lesson taught me that past performance, really, does not indicate future performance and only enhances the efficient market hypothesis.

So what does this all mean? Basically my earlier notion that reality can be objectively analyzed and quantified was all a dream all along. I think that finance is a inherently unpredictable field; a fundamentally chaotic system. Dad's substantial returns from the stock market may be explained by the fact that he invested immediately after the financial crisis, during the time when stocks were at its lowest. And also coupled with the fact that he got lucky and bough the IPO shares of KNM, which gained up to 100x profits at its peak.

It may be only a matter of time before I would give up on hoping to find a systematic way of profiting from the markets. However before doing that I would try to apply machine learning techniques and other discrete algorithms/analysis to analyze past data and discover tell tale signs of a particular stock before they have significant movements. The stumbling block at this moment is on obtaining quality historical fundamental data, which I currently have no direct solution to.it except mining minor details from FT.com

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Samyang spicy ramen


For the last few days I wanted to look for this popular and delicious instant noodle. I went to big malls such as MidValley, D'Pulze, LeisureMall and others but couldn't find them at all.
In the end I resorted to buying from 11street.com.my and paid RM 26 plus RM 6 shipping.

The mee arrived today and I just had one. It was delicious! Strangely, it doesn't feel as hot as the 1st time I tried it. I guess it's true that your level of tolerance to spicy food increases as you eat more of them.

I now prefer this mee over Shin Ramyun. Shin was pretty good as well, but it is soup based and less spicy. However, it is much common than Samyang.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Why I no longer like religion


Some years ago, I had personal existential issues and became anxious about life. I was also depressed that time. It was during this time I started to look out for religions for help. If I remember correctly I drove to Brickfields area and went to the Lutheran church near Jalan Berhala. There, I obtained a KJV Bible from the pastor who was organizing a feast that night. However I stopped going there afterwards.

I can't really remember the sequence of events which eventually led me to other places and religions; I will focus on Christian first anyway. I believe that later on I found my way to the Good Shepherd Lutheran church at Petaling Jaya (Jalan Othman). There I met pastor Yap (who is now placed at Johor), and he was really nice person and guided me towards Christian. He was patient and had weekly classes for me to explain about Christianity and other things. I was very moved by his kindness in this incident.

Although I went to his Church initially, I later on stopped going. I think Wen Han (cousin) later came back and told me about the church he went to, which was KingdomCity. He brought me there, which as at Petaling Jaya, and I love it. The atmosphere was different, having many youths and seem like going to party each time I'm at there. The pastors were very erudite as well, and are professional speakers. From there I joined the cell groups, which was a new experience for me. I managed to get to know new friends and acquaintances. Despite all these, in the end I stopped going to cell groups and churches as well.

In between the process, I also went to Buddhist Maha Vihara (pic) at Brickfields and started asking about Buddhism. Inside the bookstore located within the temple, I managed to get to know Beatrice (the secretary/admin) and Brother Ooi. Bro Ooi preached about Buddha Dhamma and I usually went to the bookstore and Saturdays to listen to him. He is a Theravada purist, and from his information I managed to get myself the Nikayas (scriptures). I managed to know an important friend, Devlen, and we are still friends up to today. He is religious, and plans to become a monk.

Somewhere in between I also went to the Hare Krishna ISKCON center at Taman Yarl. I first met Ailindah there. Later on she told me about a gathering at Penang, which I went, and there I managed to know TK who is the Chinese leader for ISKCON. He told me alot of things about the religion and also the miracles that happened to him from believing in Krishna. The event lasted for few days and it was pretty good. However I had nervous breakdown after the event and landed in hospital.

In between the years, when I was staying at the hospital, I would often involve myself with Islam related materials. I remembered at one time I helped a Muslim uncle to draft his theological document about Doomsday. I sometimes would also do morning prayers with others in the prayer room and had Azhan (call to prayers) when the TV shows up. However once I left the hospital I would quickly forgot about this Islamic stuff (which is good I think).


All of the events transpire above basically shows how naive I was when it comes to religion. It shows that I was in confused state and had some sort of abnormal thoughts of trying of understand and absorb many religions. In summary, I wasted quite a significant amount of time on these stuff. Now, especially since after I recovered from my personal problems and started working, I went back to my pre-confused state and stayed mostly deist/agnostic, and I am happy with it. I basically just believe in a Creator and that's it. Jesus, Muhammad or whatever are either just normal people perhaps with great influence or perhaps just myth.

I went back to YouTube to look for space documentaries, videos and stuff and find great pleasure in understanding the sciences behind them. Obviously this is also related to the fact that I studied Cosmology when I was in primary school days. There are still many things that are not explained by science yet, such as dark matter, dark energy, fate of Universe etc but these things make me marvel about the Universe and leads me to believe in a Creator.

I always like watch space related shows such as Star Trek.. and I hoped to see that space travel becomes a reality before I die. However this has changed lately, and I now think that common space travel is probably unlikely to happen in my lifetime. Probably the most likely thing to happen would to have artificial intelligence that is able to mimic humans in terms of speech. But as for a sentient A.I.... I think that would be almost impossible as it involves consciousness and that is probably a topic for another day.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Singapore...

On the last week of April, I had a 2-1 talk with Ethan and Chandra.
Ethan was asking me on what are a future plans (for the company?). I told him I aim to be an architect/tech lead. He then further probed me how/what am I doing to achieve that. Then I told him I spent my time after coming back home on online courses and video lectures. From there I mentioned about Swift and Mean technology. He didn't feel impressed or anything. He mentioned that Swift doesn't have much industrial visibility. I didn't really talk back much on this.

Towards the end of the conversation, I mentioned to Ethan that I don't plan to extend my contract on June. I told him I want to go to Singapore to look for jobs. And personally I would like to pursue a girl. Chandra then mentioned that he has a friend that went to China to look for a wife. Earlier on (can't remember) Ethan asked me about relationship things, asking me if I had dated before or not. I felt abit awkward when asked by this. After this the meeting was over.

As of today, I am thinking if I should go travel. The last time I traveled was on 2009 and that was going to Singapore only. If I don't do so now, I wonder if I would have the chance to travel or not...

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Sis came back

Today (9 Apr) sis came back to Malaysia.
She is just staying here until Sunday.

We had dinner at Da Tou restaurant with Yuen, together with mum.
She mentioned that her contract will end around June, but not sure yet if will be extended.

In the conversation between Yuen and sis, she mentioned that her husband will go tour for 2 years.
I didn't ask her much details between her and her husband.

Monday, March 28, 2016

Misguided dreams?


Today (Saturday) I managed to code part of my stock picker application.
The program works by analyzing stocks that have increased in price, then simulates buying/selling.
Upon testing however, I was disappointed to know that it didn't work as I hoped.
Seems like there is no shortcut way of earning money.

I have many misguided dreams.
I left my first job for studying finance.. hoping of switching career.
I have no idea why I had that in mind.. maybe it was because I hoped to learn about stock trading and I saw dad successfully doing it.
The decision made my became depressed, and I wasted years of my life.
Dad became depressed and never recovered from it.

If I could go back, I should never had left Penang and should just stayed there and have a family.
Now, I am a shell of my former self.
Will I spend the rest of my life as a poor and single old man?
Dad, what advice do you have for me?

Monday, March 21, 2016

Qing Ming

Today Mum, Yuen and Me went to Xiao En Nilai to visit dad's grave.
It is for the Qing Ming.

Mum bought alot of things, like the joss papers and some food.
I told her a few times already not to buy joss papers as I think it is not necessary for Buddhists.
She also bought meat items like fish ball and chicken for dad, which I think should be vegetarian food.

As usual we lit up the candles, joss sticks and offered prayers.
After that we burned the joss papers.

Once the ceremony was done, we went back to KL.
I suggested that we have lunch and went to the Ship at Pertama complex, which is located opposite of Sogo. We took some time to look for the building.

Mum ordered the minute steak, Yuen order the salmon, and I ordered the black pepper steak.
The food was OK, but nothing to shout about.

As the bill came, it was at RM 150.
My steak costs about RM 48, which is pricier if compared to New York Steak Shack at Midvalley which costs about 20 something.

We went back home after that.

Dad, I hope you are finding peace in whatever realm you are now in.
Sometimes I wish you were still here, to guide us; at this moment I feel scared about facing the future, there seems to be a lot of challenges ahead.
I hope that you will let go of the regrets you had and be happy.
Take care, Dad.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Started work at HP Cyberjaya & my future


I started working at HP Cyberjaya on 26th January. My job title was .Net Developer, hired under contract for 3 months under Technodex Sdn Bhd.

Working at HP reminds me of working at Agilent. It's a big MNC company with big compound and many car parks. Everyday I need to travel for around 45 minutes to reach office; going back is longer, around 1 hour.

The working environment there seem relaxed. Even when reaching the office at 9 am, the parking space of my office seem relatively unoccupied. I believe the permanent staff enjoy flexi working hours.

The salary I'm getting is RM 4.5k. Bro and sis mentioned that it was good pay, given that I was not working already for some amount of time. For me, I felt that I could have earned higher - if I never stopped working.

For my future, everything seems uncertain yet. I still have many lingering regrets, especially on my past depression and on financial issues. I hated the fact that I wasted so much time. And in terms of money, I lost a lot of them and I'm not sure how to earn back them. I have no ideas on how to earn other income source at the moment. I really admire dad.. he was not rich initially, but managed to bring up the family and bought shares and property. However I nullified his efforts and I'm very sorry about it.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Happy birthday to myself


15 Jan is my birthday. I am turning 34.

I went out with Bella today. She gave me a cake when I fetched her. Thanks.
After arriving at Leisure Mall I decided to have the Taiwan Taiwan pork chop rice. It was pretty good as usual. We went back after that.

Ever since young I never really celebrated my birthday in a big way. It was mostly quiet one.
However I still remember back then when I was depressed, Dad bought a cake and celebrated with me. Thanks, Dad.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Jobstreet fair

Image result for jobstreet

On 8th January I went to Jobstreet's MCTF 16 career fair at Midvalley.
Bella and Vivian followed as well.

I reached the Midvalley exhibition hall at around 10:47 am but the halls were not opened yet. We continued walking around until 11:00 am.

When the shutters were opened, Bella and I registered ourselves via the provided computer terminals.
We proceeded to the exhibition hall and the first company was Nestle. After having some chat with the representative, I dropped my resume in the box.

Overall I dropped my resume to the following companies:

Nestle
BAT
IBM
HP
Swift
Jardine Onesolution
Hitachi Ebworx
Manulife
Sony
Silverlake
Softspace

Once done we went outside to meet with Vivian again. Initially we went to the Feng Shui shop to look for her but she was not there. After walking awhile we found her and went to a nearby shop to have chicken rice.

Later I followed Bella to the Gardens South Tower - she wanted to pay her CPA membership.
Once done we went to a bakery at Aeon to buy some stuff for Vivian.
We went back after that.

I hope that I will receive calls from companies later on.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Happy New Year


I celebrated New Year with Bella. We went to the Ikon at Connaught.


There we had Subway for our lunch. We ordered the everyday value set, me having the Chicken Slice while she ordered Veggie Delight. The price was affordable, at RM 7.30.


After that we went to Blackball and had our shaved iced. We ordered Melon Jade Jelly.
I found the shaved iced mediocre.. and I was abit taken back by its sour taste.
We chatted about some topics on the mind and left once finished.


During night time, I went to a new cafe named Questionmark at Pandan Indah. I wanted to order their beef bolognaise but unfortunately it was sold out. In the end I ordered a cake and a tea drink. That was how I celebrated my New Year.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Year Eve


Time flies. Today is New Year Eve.. in an hours time it will be 2016.
I went out with Bella today to the Yulek night market. It was my first time.
The night market is situated along the road of Jalan Kaskas 3, with Ah Wet cafe nearby.

Bella wanted to buy some vape liquid. After searching awhile, the stall was not open. She bought some vegetables and mushrooms. After that we went somewhere else nearby 7-eleven and had Chee Cheung Fun. The dish was served in curry; I had no trouble with the curry but mucus keeps coming out from my nose, it was annoying. The dinner was accompanied by some sweet fungus drink.

We went back to check the vape stall; unfortunately it wasn't there. Too bad, Bella didn't get what she wanted. I bought a "Jin Long Pau" / peanut pan cake - it was pretty good.

And thus that was my day for 31 Dec.

Christmas
Nothing much to celebrate this day, even though I'm a Christian.
Just went to Pizza hut to have my dinner.

I remembered being baptized on Christmas day few years ago. It was done by Pastor Yap at Johor.
Oh, how I miss those days when he was heading the church at Petaling Jaya. He was very kind and introduced Christianity to me.

I remember being lost, seeking religion and stumbled upon him. Pastor Yap would gave me classes in the morning at the Jalan Othman church every week, for few months. He would discuss about the Lutheran church, God, Jesus and other usual religious stuff. I was surprised he asked me on questions about evolution. Sometimes I bring mum along as well.

After the classes finished, I did not convert immediately. I went to the church occasionally, but eventually stopped and went to other church (Kingdom City). I didn't contact Pastor Yap after that and I didn't know that he was later transferred to Johor.

Thank you for all your support, Pastor Yap.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

19 Dec - 23 Dec 2015


Sis left for Japan today at around 6:30 pm. She came back on 19th December 2015, Saturday.

Earlier on this morning she called and informed me that she left her purse at home. I searched for it and managed to find it in one of her bags. Later on I took a cab and went to Midvalley to find her.
She was having her haircut at Centro, Gardens. Hehe how clumsy!

She mentioned she will be going to Bukit Bintang afterwards and asked me if I wanted to be fetched home. I agreed. After that I went to Canton-i at LG floor and had my duck noodle and a lemon tea. It was expensive - RM 24.25.

Sis later informed me that her friend had arrived at Bukit Bintang. Left with no choice, I told her that I will go back home via taxi. The cab fees were not cheap, it was RM 22 and RM 25.50 two ways. Anyway her new hairstyle was very pretty; must have cost a bomb.

I wish her safe journey to Japan and hope that she will have a great time there.
Take care sis.

Reunion dinner

A day earlier (22 Dec), we had a reunion dinner at grandma's house. It was the winter solstice. The dinner consisted of roasted chicken, pig ribs, 蛋角, veggies and peanut soup. The food was done by grandma and uncle Kar Choy. After meal and we had "tong yuen".

Grandma seems grumpy that day and she often raises her voice. I feel uncomfortable with it.
She seem to scold uncle Kar Huat often. Could it be because of her age? I remembered during CNY period, she complained about me wearing a black shirt that time. Pretty scary.

Earlier on I informed uncle Kar Fook that I had a document (small estate distribution) that needed grandma's signature. Uncle told me that grandma probably can't move around and advised me to negotiate with the commissioner to come to grandma's house to get her signature. He also mentioned to wait for Gu Jeh to come back during January so that she may persuade grandma to sign. I can't do much in this case and agreed to his words.

Minor errands

On 21th Dec, we went to Pandan Indah to perform some minor errands. First we went to Maybank to change our Amanah Saham Wawasan 2020 booklet and ownership.

Later sis and I went to the commissioner for oaths (few shops beside Lazeez cafe) to ask him to sign our small estate distribution forms.However after some explanation from him we realized that there were some elements in the forms were filled wrongly. We decided to switch the property division method to "muafakat"; mum is to have 1/2 share while the 3 of us will have 1/2 portion divided evenly.

Sis suggested that we have a second opinion and we went to few places to consult alternate advice. First we went to a shop nearby the RHB bank but realized that it was a lawyer's office instead of commissioner for oaths. Then we went Khalid, Iqbal associates nearby Fei Por chicken rice shop but the commissioner was not it. Then we traveled to menara MPAJ to look for another commissioner. However we were abit lost there and ended up asking a clerk at the Pandan Indah magistrate court. Sis talked to her, but I felt that the clerk didn't gave much useful advice.

We came again next day and had the documents signed. Sis then went to see he mother-in-law and went to Midvalley for haircut. The haircut was not successful as it was fully booked.

Dad's 49th day

On the 20th Dec (Sunday), we went to dad's grave at Xiao En Nilai to offer prayers. 16th Dec marks the 49th day of his death; according to traditional Chinese believes, 49th day is the average day it takes for the soul to be reincarnated. However, from one of the Theravada Buddhism leaflets that I have read, it is mentioned that rebirth takes place immediately after death instead of the average 49 days.

Mum brought a lot of joss paper and joss sticks during that day. I think she spent about RM 70 for all of the items, which I think is too much. In my opinion Theravadian ceremonies should be as simple as possible; offering joss sticks should suffice. Burning of joss papers etc seem more Taoist to me.

Dad's tombstone was seen lying on the floor that day and was not installed yet. I hope that it would be done as soon as possible and I await Xiao En to inform me about it. I don't think I will visit the grave on the day the tombstone is installed as we have to visit dad's grave again on his 100th day.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Another dream about dad

Had another dream about dad today!
But unfortunately I can't remember the details hehe
It was a benevolent dream.

A dream about dad


Today (Saturday) I had a dream about dad.
I can only vaguely recall the dream, it was something about me angry about dad and scolding him!
Haha what a terrible son I am.
Perhaps it is to remind me of my not so good temper?

Thanks dad.
And wherever you are, I hope you are at a better place now.
Amen.

Friday, October 30, 2015

Dad passed away


Dad passed away on 29th October 2015 at around 12 am.
Daddy, you are the best. I love you.
Though you don't often speak much, your actions in taking care of the home speaks volunes.

I'm so sorry I caused you so much troubles such ruining your financials (condo etc), having you to take care of me when I was unwell, hitting you when I wasn't sane etc. Please forgive me.

I'm sorry you left early and don't have grandchildren yet, I'm sorry I couldn't take care of you when you were old.

I hope you feel much relieved now on your incurable headache... I hope you find peace in Heaven/Nirvana.

I will take care of mum I promise.

All the best Dad!

Updates
Pictures of relatives visiting us during the wake ceremony.




About 7 pm, the monks came and they started the chanting ceremony. There were a total of 3 chanting sessions, and each session lasted about an hour. I was having difficulty with the chanting sessions as my leg was painful (caused by my effort to carry dad's body earlier on) when kneeling down and getting up.

Yuen's IBM colleagues visited later on.

About 10-11 pm, to my surprise, my primary school friends came as well! They were Kah Choon, Wei Loon and Kok Yew. I didn't inform them but they knew about dad's death as I posted it on Facebook earlier on. I was very moved by them and we chatted for some time.


Sis decided to stay at Xiao En for the night.

On the next day, we arrived at Xiao En at around 5-6 pm and I saw sis reciting the Earth Store sutra. She informed that Mr Seow (dad's good friend) arrived earlier and gave a significant sum. 舅舅's son came visited as well.

Later sis's friends came to visit.



Funeral procession day
31 October was dad's funeral procession day. Mr Ebinesan (dad's former boss) and sis's father & mother in law came. When it was around 10-11 am, everyone left for Nilai. I carried dad's photo and sat in the van carrying his casket. Others followed us in the bus.

After reaching Xiao En memorial park, dad's casket was carried to the incinerator. The monk chanted and we offered our last respects and prayers. After he finished, dad's casket was carried by machine into the incinerator room. Smoke came out from the room and there was a display of laser lights.

After the ceremony, we went to the site where dad's ash/bones is supposed to be placed.
We were asked to choose his grave site. Initially it was supposed to face east, but 4th auntie told us that for deceased people, it is better to face west as it means 西方极乐世界 (Western Paradise).

In the end we chose the unit 03-07-1. Auntie asked us to 打圣杯 to ask if the plot is agreeable or not. I wasn't sure what it meant initially but then realized that it was actually throwing of 2 coins in hopes of getting a head and tail which meant a "yes". I threw the coins 3 times and the result was - No, Yes and Yes :)


Scattering of ashes
Michael came to our house to pick us up to Nilai. Uncle Kar Yoong and Kar Fook came along as well.


When we arrived at the memorial park, we went to the incinerator room. It was a cozy little room and we were shown dad's bones. Michael asked all of us to pick a bone from the fragments and place it in the urn. The urn was then filled up. We were also shown another portion of dad's ashes which would be scattered at sea later on.

I was asked to carry the urn along with a big joss stick and went to dad's burial site in a van, A monk was already waiting for us and then he started chanting and we offered our prayers. Later on the urn was placed in the grave by some workers. Once finished, I gave an ang pow to the monk (chanting fees about 400+). He then asked us to snip the 发糕 and eat it as a gesture of prosperity and told us to take some of the fruits back.

Once done, we headed to Port Klang and took a boat to the sea to scatter dad's ashes. The boat journeyed around 30-45 minutes before stopping and we scattered dad's ashes.



After the event, uncle asked Michael to ask the boat man to recommend us nice seafood shops. However, the boat man seem to misunderstand and took us to bah kut teh shops. Uncle Kar Yoong seems to be annoyed with this. We went looking around for seafood restaurants before deciding to head for the Bagan Hailam Lagoon seafood restaurant. It is located in a Hainan village not far from the port we left earlier on. Sis just ordered tofu as she wanted to stay vegetarian for a week.

Once done Michael sent us back. I gave him the angpow containing the boat fees which was around 600+. Uncle Kar Yoong came to our house and chatted awhile. After that he left followed by Yuen.

4th November
4th auntie asked us to offer prayers to dad at 钟万仙师 temple located at Jalan Pasar.
We went there during morning and I parked my car just opposite the temple. The temple seem to be Taoist type. At the entrance there is a giant paper model of the underworld God. Otherwise there were many paper models of humans, horses, houses etc in the temple.



After that we went to a shopping complex nearby (beside the market) and had Subway.

7 November
Earlier on when meeting with uncle Kar Fook's lawyer, uncle informed us that there will be a dinner on the 7th. We went to Yi Sheng Huat seafood restaurant (@Jalan Gajah) on that day and had a nice meal. The venison meat was good. Uncle Kar Yoong was present.

Once we finished our dinner, uncle Kar Yoong asked us to offer prayers at the Buddhist temple nearby. It was just walking distance and the temple was Buddha Jayanti. It was a Thai Theravada Buddhist temple.


Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Agilent

Even till today I regret leaving Agilent.

Benefits:
- work at 9 and leave at 5
- 2 hours lunch
- close to home
- good boss
- bonuses

Reasons for leaving:
- wanted to study at that time (could have taken unpaid leave)
- wanted to come back to KL

What can I do to feel less remorse over the matter?
- many friends left as well, like Eric, Tee Yeow, Han Ping, Siu Ngann, Li Xiang, Shu Khan, Zhan Yi, Eng Hong, Hong Aun, Chin Seng, Tee Keng Hong, John Pang left the group too, so I shouldn't feel too bad
- only ones left are Andrew Wong, Andrew Lim, Ching Xiang, Yee Khai and Yoke Yau
- take care of parents

Monday, June 24, 2013

qllion

Great day. Today marks the continuation on qllion, my personal pet project.

Friday, June 21, 2013

On Religion


WH visited my yesterday (20 June), and we had a great chat. I asked him how he was doing at UK and also on religion stuff. Actually I deeply admire the way he believes in Christianity; it is very simple and lovely. Later on we went to the field and prayed.

In the meantime I've already decided which religion to embrace...

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Deleting "undeletable" folders


There may be cases whereby some special folders created by installation programs are left in your drive and that they cannot be deleted - often getting error messages like access denied or administrative permission is required.

To solve,

  • Right click the folder - Properties - Security
  • Click Advanced
  • Change Owner to Everyone, check "Replace owner on subcontainers and objects"
  • Check "Replace all child object permission entries with inheritable permission entries from this object"
Done. Delete the folder as usual.

Adventureworks database access denied error


To solve:

  • Enable "Full control" access control for the login user

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Mechanism of the mind and human brain


  1. Our brain is a special kind of bio-processor which is self-upgradable
  2. The "upgradability" of our brain itself is determined by its learned algorithms
Let's imagine that an infant's brain contains the initial algorithm:

#include <stdio.h>
int main() {

while (1) {
eat();
sleep();
learn();
// ... etc
}
return 0; // death
}

The functions eat, sleep, learn and others vital for survival already comes built-in in the infant's mind when they are born. The contents of the survival algorithms must have been derived from none other than the DNA codes, passed down from parents and is what we would refer as instincts.

Overtime, the infant learns, and the funtion learn() overwrites the initial mind program into more complex one, such as


#include <stdio.h>
int main() {

while (1) {
eat();
sleep();
learn();
walk();
jump();
lookforparents();
gototoilet();
}
return 0; // death
}


Obviously the program complexity increases, and more processing power is needed to run the main algorithm (the person). The brain must have some built-in mechanism to realize this, which upon realizing the the mind's algorithm has become more complex, signals out the body's DNA to develop the brain further ie generating new brain cells, hence "upgrading" it.

In the meantime, the neural network structure of the brain changes and adapts as the infant becomes more and more proficient in performing particular tasks, such as speech, face recognition and motor functions. The positive feedback process continues until one reaches adulthood, whereby an optimal brain size is reached. Nature has the brain designed in such a way that any size bigger than its optimum values would have its performance degrade.

While the size of the adult brain remains fixed, the structure of the neural network remains flexible and is changeable. The brain now effectively becomes a soft microprocessor, which can be reprogrammed as required.


How a person develops his/her personality depends what a person learns, thinks and believes. Referring to the infant "survival" algorithm as mentioned earlier and the concept of emergent behavior, overtime that simple algorithm builds up, becoming more and more complex, and eventually emerges to become a fully  operating system (OS), just like the Windows, MAC or Linux system you are using now.

Knowledge and subjects that one learns throughout his/her life can be thought as applications. For example:

math.exe
science.exe
philosophy.exe
arts.exe

When one learns mathematics for example, it is akin to installing math.exe into the OS itself, whereby the math.exe program modifies the OS code itself and becomes more complex, and giving the OS the ability to handle and understand mathematics in the future.

Learning philosophy for example, is akin to installing philosophy.exe which will modify the OS's code in the logic, mathematics and general inquiry department. In this case it is assumed that the adult has earlier on learned about logic, mathematics and general inquiry, which is a prerequisite for the philosophy.exe program.


Not all knowledge augments the mind in a positive way. Religion for example, may actually decrease skills in  reasoning and critical thinking. In this case, religion.exe, once fully accepted by the adult, can be modeled as a program which overwrites the reasoning and critical part of the OS's algorithm, making it less efficient and even some times, corrupting it.

In interesting viewpoint I wish to share is that mental illnesses, such as depression, bipolar and schizophrenia, can be modeled as virulistic programs as well.

  • depression.exe corrupts the OS algorithm in general, temporarily reducing it to the basic survival instinct code (sleeping, eating, defecate etc). In cases whereby depression.exe completely overwrites the OS code, self destruct happens and this is where the individual commits suicide.
  • bipolar.exe affects the creativity code, which in turns affects other departments such as thought process, emotions and decision making
  • schizophrenia.exe probably corrupts the OS's thought, emotion, auditory and visual code department, causing the individual to experience hallucinations, delusions, paranoid and etc


What is the multiverse explained


The multiverse theory postulates that there are other Universes that exist besides the one we are currently residing in. In short, imagine the the bubbles you see when you pour your beer next time.

Each bubble, represents a different Universe, with different sets of physics laws. Some of the bubbles or Universe contain just the right set of physics laws which allows the creation of Life (like ours) whereas others are just failed and dead Universes.

While it seems rather abstract, you can experiment with it using programs such as VMware. VMware is a virtualization program which simulates a virtual computer and enables you to run different kinds of operating systems in it.

In this example, I have installed 3 different operating systems, namely Ubuntu, Mac OSX and Windows XP as shown below.



  1. Each OS represents a working Universe.
  2. The OS, which is composed of complex program instructions, is akin to having a set of physics laws.
  3. In the given 3 examples, all the OS supports the ability to execute programs, which analogously speaking, is a Universe which supports Life.
The concept is simple enough. Now for some mind bending ones:
  • What do we call the VMware program in reality (in analogy, the beer which holds the bubbles), which runs the 3 OS as mentioned?
  • How about the Windows 7 which runs the VMware software itself, which runs the 3 OS as mentioned?
  • How about the "Me", the one who's ultimately running all of the programs mentioned above?
Windows 7 running VMware running Mac OSX and others

Friday, November 16, 2012

Alone, I


Since primary school days, I have always felt that I'm alone, for some reasons. Reflecting back, I realized what was "wrong" - I was basically ahead  of my time. While my peers are still struggling with basic subjects such as English, Chinese and Sciences, I have already read encyclopedias, medical books, religious comics, learned programming, experimented electronics and actively taking part in contests.

Now, the same feeling has crept back, just even worse. Friends have just basically vanished. I'm a very "online" person, and many of them are just not in cyberspace anymore. Not surprising here, as most should be very occupied with jobs, family, mortgage and loans. Which, I have none anyway.

But the worst of all is that I feel no longer competitive. I can find no one to compete with, at least here, locally. What I feel is that most of my friends are involved in dead end 9-5 jobs, and almost none of them are involved in entrepreneurship or business related activities. I spent the last few years self-studying and improving myself, and I've since gained tremendous amount of knowledge and problem solving skills. And I'm still learning everyday (thanks to coursera). But whenever I mentioned about learning new skills and knowledge, many would shake their heads and say enough learning since leaving University. Now, my head gets shaken here.

But all hope is not lost. They only way, in my opinion, is to move forward. And hence, I've decided to pursue a Master's degree in Europe. I wish that I would be awarded a full scholarship, so that I don't have to worry much about financial matters, and also to benchmark myself in getting those nifty stuff.

The only thing that drives me, that gives me direction in life, that gives me goals - are children. And thus, I will reveal to you, my dreams.

My dream is basically to establish my own foundation, and I'll name it Fai Foundation (FF). FF's goal is to provide full scholarships to needy students who deserve 1st class education. Targeted institutions would include top-tier Iv League Universities such as Stanford, Harvard, MIT, Princeton, Wharton and etc. The scholarship shall be bond-free, but would be very, very competitive to obtain. I hope that through my foundation, I could hope to train out future Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Li Ka Shing and Robert Kwok.

The issue of education is really important for me, because I personally feel that the standard of education in Malaysia is in Malaise state. Subjects critical for nation and human development, are forced to be taught in malay language instead of English or Chinese, which is humiliating at best. I shall not comment further on this issue as it is pointless as corrupted politicians have monopoly on this, and it does not take a genius to figure out the the government is purposely dumbing down the Malaysian population.

The saving grace for this, is for the students to self-improve in conjunction with private intervention. I hope that I can succeed with my plans, and I'll hereby nickname it 百年划 (100 year plan).